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Our dear friend and crisis counselor Dwight Bain joined us today on the Afternoon Show to discuss today’s tragedy in CT. He gave us great ideas on what to do and what not to do when approaching the subect with your kids and family. Just click on this link to hear Dwight on the air with us: Dwight Bain’s Tips on Dealing with Tragedy
Please join us in praying for all of those involved in today’s tragic events.
By Dwight Bain
A community crisis, (like a mass shooting or natural disaster), can destroy entire communities in just a few minutes, while the recovery process to rebuild from a major critical incident may take weeks or months to sort through. The more you know about how to survive and rebuild after the crisis, the faster you can take positive action to get your personal and professional life back on track. Since community crisis events like extreme acts of violence or terrorism are unpredictable it requires a different course of action from natural disasters like hurricanes, tornadoes, earthquakes, fires and floods. What can you do right now to cope with the psychological impact of a major community crisis?
Dealing directly with your emotions will reduce the tension and stress on you, which allows you to have more energy to deal with a difficult situation. However, if you stuff your fears and frustrations in a major community crisis, your emotions can quickly blow up without warning. Exploding in rage on your children, your coworkers or your marriage partner will only make a difficult situation worse. Community crisis events are a terrible situation full of loss and difficulty for everyone. By taking action now you can move beyond feeling overwhelmed by intense stress, anger or confusion. As you follow the insight from this recovery guide, you will be taking positive steps to rebuild with the focused energy of an even stronger life for you and your family after the emergency service workers pack up and go home because your community has recovered.
To best survive a major community crisis, you need a strong combination of three key elements
- healthy coping skills
- healthy supports and a
- healthy perspective
While things will never be the same as they were before the community crisis, (like a mass shooting); the following guidelines will give you the key elements needed to get past the overwhelming stress and to find even greater strength on the other side.
What are the dangerous warning signs of stress overload?
A major community crisis affects everyone however; it becomes dangerous to our health when the stress goes on for an extended period of time. Major stress can affect adults, children, the elderly and even pets, so it is important to be alert to watch for the danger signs of the psychological condition called, ‘Post-Traumatic-Stress-Disorder’, (commonly referred to as PTSD), in yourself, your family members and coworkers. These symptoms include any dramatic change in emotions, behavior, thought patterns or physical symptoms over the next few days, weeks or even months. Since community crisis events are a terribly stressful time for everyone and often remain stressful for days or weeks to come, there are a number of factors to be aware of to keep yourself and those who you care about safe.
Stress Warning Signs
These signs are indicators that the intense stress from the critical incident is beginning to overwhelm the individual. The longer the stress symptoms occur-the greater the severity of the traumatic event on the individual. This does not imply craziness or personal weakness; rather, it simply indicates that the stress levels from the storm were too powerful for the person to manage and their body is reacting to the abnormal situation of having survived a major trauma.
It’s normal to feel completely overwhelmed by a community crisis like a mass shooting or natural disaster; however there are danger signs to watch for in yourself or others that may indicate psychological trauma. Adults or children who display any of the following stress symptoms may need additional help dealing with the events of this crisis. It is strongly recommended that you seek the appropriate medical or psychological assistance if you see a lot of the physical, emotional, cognitive or behavioral symptoms listed below in you, your coworkers, or someone in your family or home, especially if these symptoms weren’t present before the storm.
Physical Symptoms: Chills, thirst, fatigue, nausea, fainting, vomiting, dizziness, weakness, chest pain, headaches, elevated blood pressure, rapid heart rate, muscle tremors, difficulty breathing, shock symptoms, and so on.
Emotional Symptoms: Fear, guilt, grief, panic, denial, anxiety, irritability, depression, apprehension, emotional shock, and feeling overwhelmed, loss of emotional control, and so on.
Cognitive Symptoms: Confusion, nightmares, uncertainty, hyper-vigilance, suspiciousness, intrusive images, poor problem solving, poor abstract thinking, poor attention/memory and concentration, disorientation of time, places or people, difficulty identifying objects or people, heightened or lowered alertness, and so on.
Behavioral Symptoms: Withdrawal, antisocial acts, inability to rest, intensified pacing, erratic movements, changes in social activity, changes in speech patterns, loss of or increase of appetite, increased alcohol consumption, and so on.
If you are in doubt about these symptoms in your life, or someone you care about, it is wise to seek the care of a physician or certified mental health professional. Better to actively deal with the stressful emotions directly to help yourself and your loved ones to immediately cope with this crisis because these emotions tend to worsen and get more intense if left untreated. Remember that there are many experienced professionals who can help you and your children recover during a time of crisis. You do not have to go through this alone.
Take action now to prevent stress from continuing to overwhelm you or the people you care about. Call a trusted friend to talk through it, reach out to clergy, or call your family doctor or counselor. If you don’t know someone to call about these emotional issues, you can reach out for assistance by calling telephone hotlines which are offered at no cost to you. These numbers are often posted by local media, hospitals, the American Red Cross, the Salvation Army or FEMA. If you, or someone you care about are feeling overwhelmed by stress, anxiety, guilt or grief it’s important to make the call for assistance now to learn how to get past the pressure to begin to feel ‘okay’ again.
How does a community crisis event affect kids?
It depends on the age of the child. The younger the child, the more they look to their parents for emotional security and strength. If a Mom or Dad are “shell-shocked” or “numb” and not able to manage their own emotions or responsibilities; the child will feel that pressure and become very confused and further stressed. Remember, it’s normal to be overwhelmed by a community crisis like a mass shooting. This is why it’s so important to take care of yourself in order to take care of your children and those your care about through the long period of recovery and rebuilding after the storm. Think about the advice given on commercial airliners to parents traveling with small children. “Should there be an unexpected cabin de-pressurization; oxygen masks will drop from the ceiling. Place the mask over your nose and mouth like this and then place the mask over the mouth and nose of those around you needing assistance.” Take care of your own emotional needs first, and then you will be in a stronger position to help those around you. If you feel overwhelmed in giving your children or others who may depend on you for support, please ask for help. It’s okay to be tired, worn out and overly stressed. That’s normal after a community crisis. However, it’s not okay to ignore caring for the needs of those counting on you like children, the elderly or pets. Sometimes a parent may need to make adjustments at work or change their own schedules for a while by delegating some tasks in order to have time and energy to help their children avoid feeling more pressure from the difficult experience that surviving a major disaster brings. If you feel that your caregiver ‘tank’ is empty, let someone else help you for a while until you get your strength back. That’s best for you and for those that you care about.
When you can focus and dedicate attention to understanding the needs of young children, notice what they are saying, drawing or doing to determine if they are still feeling overly stressed from the traumatic event.
School age kids:
need to talk, draw pictures or take positive action, (like having a lemonade stand to raise money for kids just like them who may have lost loved ones or family members because of the traumatic event), so if you give them something to do to help, they can take positive action and sort through their emotions immediately.
High school age kids:
may try to act “cool” about everything, but often are more scared about the changes, losses and confusion than any other group. They are older and may need to experience a bit more “reality” at times to loosen up their ability to talk about what is happening around them. If they are willing to talk to their siblings, other family members, clergy or counselors it often doesn’t take very long before they can grow strong enough to deal with their emotions and get back to feeling like themselves again.
The greatest danger sign to be alert and aware of is by noticing any dramatic changes in behavior. If a child was always happy go lucky before the crisis event and now sits all day to watch video footage of the shooting, or other world disasters on the news channels- then you may want to figure out why they made such a dramatic shift in personality. Watch for other major changes in sleep patterns, school patterns, school performance, peer relations and so on. If you see major changes that concern you, it’s time to seek professional attention for the child with their pediatrician or with a child behavioral specialist
What are some ways to help our kids talk about the crisis?
You can reach out to children in many ways to help them deal with this stressful time. Talking, writing, drawing, or writing poetry about the experience with the disaster will make the time pass more quickly, and may even lighten someone else’s load of emotional pain and difficulty while helping you back through the process. Talking about any crisis event in life can help kids learn the basics of moving from the panic of basic survival to building strengths through problem solving.
Are there any “hidden dangers” in media that parents should be concerned about that might make the crisis worse?
Too much media exposure is dangerous for kids. It is better to get a media “news update” once or perhaps at the most, twice a day to avoid the danger of media over-exposure. Leaving the news on all the time will depress the mood of the person who hears it; since deep down inside we learn to go “numb” to the normal emotions of the stressful event, to press on and burn reserve energy in the process. If your child didn’t watch the morning news programs before the community crisis, be cautious about allowing them to watch TV news alone or having long blocks of unaccounted time with too much isolation. Best is to sort through media outlets-like television, Internet, radio or newspapers, which may contain content that is overly stressful or just too depressing for a child. Then set boundaries to protect them from additional stress in media stories, since it is important to protect their home and minds by managing the media around them.
It’s wise to move from negatives to positives in highly charged and difficult situations like a mass shooting or wide spread community disaster. We have all seen enough negative images to last a lifetime and yet the media will often play scenes from a disaster over again and again. Also, parents and kids can sit down and discuss why they really need to have so many media and entertainment services available in their homes. Many families found that not having the Internet, cable television and loud music playing in their homes while staying in a shelter allowed them to reconnect as a family with much greater communication. By sitting down and discussing these issues your home can be a more positive place, by creating more positive energy to mange the stress of recovering from this crisis situation.
Since watching other people’s problems in other parts of the country will cause more stress in an already stressful situation it’s better to focus on your responsibilities today, right here in your own community. When things in your life are strong again, you and your family won’t be as affected by the images of crisis from other places. But that’s another day, so for now as you recover, it’s better to focus on getting you and your kids though the day that you have been handed without making it harder because of the hidden stress of media overexposure.
Also, the same principles apply for the aged as for anyone else. Seniors often can spend a tremendous amount of time in front of negative media images which can be harmful to their wellbeing. Better to get involved in helping others, praying for those affected or donating to help as you can than to become overwhelmed with the stressors of others by becoming desensitized from media over-exposure.
How can I help my family get back to “normal” after a community disaster?
It may take weeks or months for people to feel that things are back to “normal.” The actual psychological impact of the storm will vary widely between people based on factors like- age, their previous experiences with crisis events and most significantly how much stress they already had in their life before the disaster. The more stress someone had in their life prior to the traumatic event, the longer it takes to recover.
Here are some immediate ways to bring order and calmness back into your life after the chaos and confusion that follows a natural disaster or community crisis like a mass shooting.
1) Reconnect in relationships:
You can’t get through a crisis alone. Since we all were impacted differently, it is vitally important to talk about the stress and pressures you have experienced with the people closest to you. Reach out to friends and family as soon as possible, and call people you haven’t heard from in a while. Just checking in to see if they are okay will only take a few minutes, but it will empower and help both of you. Simply talk about what each of you experienced through the crisis and how you got through it. Tremendous connection can occur through crisis, so this is an especially good time to reach out to friends or family who may have drifted away from your closest circle of relationships. Take action now to reach out to people with words of encouragement and support, but don’t wait for someone else to call you- since their phone may not work! Go find them and then reconnect the relationship while helping each other rebuild.
2) Rebuild your routines:
This is one of the most important factors to quickly get life back on track because we all draw strength and security from a structured daily routine. Bed time, dinner time, getting up to go to school, or work, or church or the gym to work out. To regain strength quickly identify what your normal routines were before the crisis-and then get back to them as soon as possible. Even if you are staying in a hotel, shelter or with family members for a while, stick with the rituals that you have typically followed that make up your daily lifestyle. This way you will feel the comfort of your stable and predictable routines, regardless of the stress of the many changes happening around you.
3) Reach out for faith:
In times of crisis everyone believes in the power of prayer and the importance of their faith. There is tremendous strength in knowing what you believe and living in harmony with those beliefs and values. Plugging back into your faith after a community crisis will allow you to release anxiety over the things that you know are too big for you, because you can trust God to handle them. Dedicate a few minutes or perhaps even an hour per day to quiet mediation and reflection on what matters most if you want to continue to grow strong in spite of the storm. This is especially important when you or your children may feel lost, alone or afraid. God cares and taking time to pray and release those burdens will help you make it through the rest of your day. Many churches and houses of faith have chaplains, recovery teams, support services and even financial assistance available to help their members cope with the crisis. Helping others in need is one of the greatest ways people of faith model what they believe, so avoid the tendency of being “too nice” to ask for help if you need it. Having a committed personal faith combined with the connection of a local house of worship will give you a tremendous sense of community to get through this storm as well as the ones to come.
4) Retell your story:
Young and old alike will benefit from hearing about how other people survived the trauma they experienced. There is tremendous power in telling your story; healing power for you and helpful power for others who will gain insight and strength by hearing how creative people can become through the crisis. As you speak up about what happened, it will make it easier for other family members or coworkers to talk about their feelings of loss as well. Things will never be the same as before, but life will go on and we can rebuild and get through it better together. Telling your story now will give you additional strength as well as connect you to the neighbors and friends as they share their story with you.
No matter what the size of crisis event, you can find strength on the other side. Following the action steps in this resource guide will allow you to begin building strength back into your personal and professional life no matter how big the crisis event was. As you grow stronger you can tell others, which will encourage them to press on as they rebuild their lives, right next to yours. Stronger people create stronger communities and that is the journey you have already begun. I encourage you to stay with it as you build an even stronger life after the crisis, and then reach out to others in rebuilding your community.
Reprint Permission- If this article helped you, you are invited to share it with your own list at work or church, forward it to friends and family or post it on your own site or blog. Just leave it intact and do not alter it in any way. Any links must remain in the article. Please include the following paragraph in your reprint.
“Reprinted with permission from the LifeWorks Group weekly eNews, (Copyright, 2004-2012), To subscribe to this valuable counseling and coaching resource visit www.LifeWorksGroup.org or call 407-647-7005″
About the author- Dwight Bain is dedicated to helping people achieve greater results. He is a Nationally Certified Counselor and Certified Life Coach in practice since 1984 with a primary focus on solving crisis events and managing major change.
As of 11 AM the center of Tropical Storm Ernesto was located at 13.7N 62.3W or about 90 miles west of St. Lucia. Maximum sustained winds are at 50 mph and the storm continues to push west at 21 mph. While there is some spread in the model data, the general consensus is for Ernesto to maintain a westerly or west-northwesterly motion for the next few days at it is being steered by a subtropical ridge to its north. Early next week the models forecast a weakness to develop in the high which would allow Ernesto the chance to turn more northwesterly as it approaches the Yucatan channel. As the storm moves through the Central Caribbean a couple of the models intensify Ernesto into a category 1 hurricane and the National Hurricane Center (NHC) has reflected that in their official forecast. One must remember that the margin of error beyond three day is significant and one is wise to pay more attention to the forecast cone and not focus the center track.
Timing is likely to change as time goes on, but the official NHC forecast shows the center of Ernesto just off the Yucatan peninsula on Wednesday morning. It is simply too early to know whether or not Ernesto will be an issue for Florida. Stay informed with the latest updates which are released by the National Hurricane Center around 5 AM/PM and 11 AM/PM. The NHC also issues intermediate advisories at 2 AM/PM and 8 AM/PM when a tropical storm or hurricane warning is up for any land areas in the storms path. For the latest information on Ernesto on-demand at your convenience, just click on the link at the top of our home page.
Now is the perfect time to make sure you are prepared for a hurricane. If you haven’t already, assemble a hurricane supply kit. Click here for suggestions of what to put in your kit.
Z88.3 will stay on top of this developing situation with frequent on-air updates. Our promise is Weather Warnings FIRST…to help you keep your family safe!
A tropical disturbance in the central Gulf of Mexico is forecast to become a tropical depression or storm either later today or on Sunday. A Hurricane Hunter aircraft in in the system this afternoon trying to determine the systems present strength and approximate center. If the system becomes a Tropical Storm the name would be Debby.
Forecast models are all over the place concerning where the developing system is expected to go over the next couple of days. The consensus of the models is for the system to drift to the northwest for the next day or so and then begin a more westerly drift. There is one outlier model which brings the system eastward approaching Florida on Tuesday afternoon. Given that the majority of the models predict a westward track to Texas, that should be viewed as the most probable path, but this is a low-confidence forecast.
After a sunny, beautiful weekend we should get at least one more rain-free day on Monday. Rain chances start to increase as we head into Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. Not a total rain-out by any stretch of the imagination with a 30-40% chance of afternoon showers and thunderstorms each day. Have a great week!
TONIGHT…MOSTLY CLEAR. LOW 71.
MONDAY…MOSTLY SUNNY. HIGH 94.
MONDAY NIGHT…PARTLY CLOUDY. LOW 74.
TUESDAY…PARTLY SUNNY WITH A 30% CHANCE OF AFTERNOON SHOWERS AND THUNDERSTORMS. BREEZY. HIGH 92.
TUESDAY NIGHT…PARTLY CLOUDY. A 20% CHANCE OF EVENING SHOWERS AND THUNDERSTORMS. LOW 75.
WEDNESDAY…PARTLY SUNNY WITH A 40% CHANCE OF SHOWERS AND THUNDERSTORMS. HIGH 91.
WEDNESDAY NIGHT…PARTLY CLOUDY. A 20% CHANCE OF SHOWERS AND THUNDERSTORMS. LOW 72.
THURSDAY…PARTLY SUNNY A 40% CHANCE OF SHOWERS AND THUNDERSTORMS. HIGH 91.
THURSDAY NIGHT…PARTLY CLOUDY. A 30% CHANCE OF EVENING SHOWERS AND THUNDERSTORMS…THEN A 20% CHANCE OF SHOWERS AFTER MIDNIGHT.
FRIDAY…PARTLY SUNNY. A SLIGHT CHANCE OF SHOWERS…THEN A 30% CHANCE OF AFTERNOON SHOWERS AND THUNDERSTORMS. HIGH 92.
…BERYL SOAKING PORTIONS OF NORTH FLORIDA AND SOUTH GEORGIA…MORE RAIN TO COME…
ALL COASTAL TROPICAL STORM WARNINGS HAVE BEEN DISCONTINUED.
AT 1100 AM EDT…1500 UTC…THE CENTER OF RECENTLY DOWNGRADED TROPICAL DEPRESSION BERYL WAS LOCATED NEAR LATITUDE 30.5 NORTH…LONGITUDE 82.7 WEST OR ABOUT 60 MI…100 KM WNW OF JACKSONVILLE FLORIDA . THE DEPRESSION IS MOVING TOWARD THE WEST-NORTHWEST NEAR 6 MPH. A TURN TO THE NORTH IS EXPECTED LATER TODAY…FOLLOWED BY A SLOW TURN TO THE NORTHEAST ON TUESDAY. ON THE FORECAST TRACK…THE DEPRESSION WILL CONTINUE TO MOVE OVER NORTHERN FLORIDA AND SOUTHEASTERN GEORGIA TODAY AND TUESDAY.
MAXIMUM SUSTAINED WINDS HAVE DECREASED TO NEAR 35 MPH…WITH HIGHER GUSTS MAINLY OVER WATER EAST FO THE CENTER. A GRADUAL WEAKENING IS FORECAST DURING THE NEXT DAY OR SO.
THE ESTIMATED MINIMUM CENTRAL PRESSURE IS 1000 MB…29.53 INCHES.
…BERYL WEAKENING BUT HEAVY RAINS CONTINUE…
A TROPICAL STORM WARNING IS IN EFFECT FOR…
* FLAGLER BEACH FLORIDA TO THE SAVANNAH RIVER GEORGIA
AT 800 AM EDT…THE CENTER OF TROPICAL STORM BERYL WAS LOCATED BY NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE DOPPLER RADAR AND SURFACE OBSERVATIONS NEAR LATITUDE 30.4 NORTH…LONGITUDE 82.5 WEST OR ABOUT 50 MI WEST OF JACKSONVILLE FLORIDA . BERYL IS MOVING TOWARD THE WEST NEAR 8 MPH…13 KM/H. A TURN TO THE NORTH WITH A DECREASE IN FORWARD SPEED IS EXPECTED LATER TODAY…FOLLOWED BY A TURN TOWARD THE NORTHEAST ON TUESDAY. ON THE FORECAST TRACK…BERYL WILL CONTINUE TO MOVE OVER NORTHERN FLORIDA TODAY AND INTO SOUTHEAST GEORGIA TONIGHT AND TUESDAY.
MAXIMUM SUSTAINED WINDS HAVE DECREASED TO NEAR 40 MPH…65 KM/H…WITH HIGHER GUSTS. THESE WINDS ARE PRIMARILY CONFINED TO RAINBANDS OVER WATER EAST OF THE CENTER. BERYL IS EXPECTED TO WEAKEN TO A TROPICAL DEPRESSION LATER TODAY. TROPICAL STORM FORCE WINDS EXTEND 140 MILES…220 KM…TO THE NORTH AND EAST OF THE CENTER.
THE ESTIMATED MINIMUM CENTRAL PRESSURE IS 1000 MB…29.53 INCHES.
…BERYL GRADUALLY WEAKENING AS IT MOVES INLAND…WILL CONTINUE TO
PRODUCE HEAVY RAINS EVEN AS THE WINDS DECREASE…
SUMMARY OF 500 AM EDT…0900 UTC…INFORMATION
ABOUT 20 MI…30 KM W OF JACKSONVILLE FLORIDA
ABOUT 85 MI…135 KM ESE OF VALDOSTA GEORGIA
MAXIMUM SUSTAINED WINDS…50 MPH…85 KM/H
PRESENT MOVEMENT…W OR 280 DEGREES AT 8 MPH…13 KM/H
MINIMUM CENTRAL PRESSURE…997 MB…29.44 INCHES
WATCHES AND WARNINGS
CHANGES WITH THIS ADVISORY…
THE TROPICAL STORM WARNING HAS BEEN DISCONTINUED NORTH OF THE
SUMMARY OF WATCHES AND WARNINGS IN EFFECT…
A TROPICAL STORM WARNING IS IN EFFECT FOR…
* FLAGLER BEACH FLORIDA TO THE SAVANNAH RIVER GEORGIA
FOR STORM INFORMATION SPECIFIC TO YOUR AREA…INCLUDING POSSIBLE
INLAND WATCHES AND WARNINGS…PLEASE MONITOR PRODUCTS ISSUED BY
YOUR LOCAL NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE FORECAST OFFICE.
DISCUSSION AND 48-HOUR OUTLOOK
AT 500 AM EDT…0900 UTC…THE CENTER OF TROPICAL STORM BERYL WAS
LOCATED BY NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE DOPPLER RADAR AND SURFACE
OBSERVATIONS NEAR LATITUDE 30.3 NORTH…LONGITUDE 82.0 WEST. BERYL
IS MOVING TOWARD THE WEST NEAR 8 MPH…13 KM/H. A TURN TOWARD THE
WEST-NORTHWEST AND THEN TOWARD THE NORTH WITH A DECREASE IN FORWARD
SPEED IS EXPECTED TODAY…FOLLOWED BY A TURN TOWARD THE NORTHEAST
ON TUESDAY. ON THE FORECAST TRACK…THE CENTER OF BERYL WILL
CONTINUE MOVING INLAND OVER NORTHEAST FLORIDA TODAY AND MOVE INTO
SOUTHEAST GEORGIA TONIGHT AND TUESDAY.
MAXIMUM SUSTAINED WINDS HAVE DECREASED TO NEAR 50 MPH…85 KM/H…
WITH HIGHER GUSTS. GRADUAL WEAKENING IS EXPECTED TO CONTINUE
TODAY…AND BERYL IS FORECAST TO BECOME A TROPICAL DEPRESSION
TROPICAL STORM FORCE WINDS EXTEND OUTWARD UP TO 140 MILES…220 KM
…MAINLY TO THE NORTH AND EAST OF THE CENTER. THE JACKSONVILLE
NAVAL AIR STATION RECENTLY REPORTED A SUSTAINED WIND OF 33 MPH…
54 KM/H…AND A WIND GUST OF 41 MPH…67 KM/H. A WIND GUST OF 44
MPH…70 KM/H…WAS RECENTLY REPORTED AT NAVAL STATION MAYPORT.
THE ESTIMATED MINIMUM CENTRAL PRESSURE BASED ON SURFACE OBSERVATIONS
IS 997 MB…29.44 INCHES.